“A Little Bit Better” How Slight Changes to Our Thoughts Can Give Us More Confidence

Understanding the role of thoughts in my life took awhile.  I had always believed that feelings just happened to me.  It seemed obvious that if I was sad, anxious, fearful, frustrated, it was just because that was how I happened to be feeling.  But after a number of cognitive psychology classes and handful of self-improvement books, I learned this was not the case at all.  Thoughts come first.  It was initially hard to believe.  I had never been very aware of my thoughts.  They happen so automatically and unconsciously that we rarely stop to examine them.  But the longer I have been working with clients, the more I truly understand the power of thoughts.  

It is important to learn to recognize our thoughts.  The advice most people give is to just “think positive.”  We even wear jewelry and t-shirts that say things like “Be happy” or “Good vibes only,” as if it were just that easy.  I wish I could wave a magic thought wand and turn my negative thoughts around.  It would be nice if I could switch from a negative thought like, “My thighs are fat and ugly,” to the ultimate positive thought, “My awesome legs should be on the cover of a magazine!”  But, if I don’t believe it, that would be telling myself a lie.  Why would I believe a lie?  

This is where the idea of “a little bit better” comes into play.  Switch your thoughts to something believable, or you are wasting your time.  Thought work is hard, but if we do it gradually, it can be much easier.  “My legs are getting stronger and leaner,” is believable.

I was introduced to this concept on a podcast.  The idea is, instead of going for the gold on your first attempt at changing your thoughts, it may be more realistic to go for the bronze.  So, if you have a negative thought, instead of trying to completely change it to the most positive sunshine and rainbows thought ever, simply make a tiny adjustment. 

If you find yourself feeling bad about parenting, and then realize you inner voice is saying, “I am a bad mom because I yell at my kids,” it is an opportunity to change your thought.  Ultimately, you may want to believe that you are the best mom ever.  However, your brain will look at you with a sideways glance and say “yeah right.”  So instead, go for the bronze with, “I may not be perfect, but I am working on responding to my children without yelling.”  A bit more believable, right?  This believable thought will shift your feelings and elevate your confidence.

I would like to point out that the first step is to recognize the thoughts that accompany your undesirable feelings.  This may take some practice, but once you start noticing what the negative thoughts are, you are on the road to more positive ones.  It takes time to change our thoughts to be more positive because our brains are not wired this way.  Keep practicing and you will find that when you adjust your thoughts, your feelings will follow.  Over time, you will find yourself feeling more confident and joyful.