"How to Best Handle Sibling Rivalry When Stuck at Home”
/It is one of the tough realities of parenthood. If you have more than one child, they will occasionally have trouble getting along. Sibling rivalry is never an easy thing to deal with, but add in being stuck at home, and it takes everything to a whole new level.
These fights often take us by surprise. My daughters can go from loving siblings to triggered rivals in an instant! When our kids are getting along, we feel like great parents, proud of what a great job we have done raising such amazing humans. But, when they begin to argue or yell at one another, the negative thoughts come rushing in: “I am a horrible mother!” and “How have I failed so miserably?” Rest assured mama, I am here to set the record straight. Sibling rivalry is part of all families, it is completely natural, and it can even be a good thing. I’ll explain why in these four easy ways to help your kids curb the fighting.
First of all, remember that you probably won’t be able to stop their fighting all together, but you can reduce it’s frequency. Take the pressure off yourself and know that aside from locking your children up in separate rooms 24/7, it’s hard to prevent fights. Plus, these disagreements may actually be preparing them for their future! They will inevitably have a different opinion from others as they grow up, and now is a great time to learn to navigate differences.
Second, prepare them with the tools they need. If you are always playing peacemaker, they will never learn the skills necessary to resolve conflict. Times of peace are the best times to teach your kids some conflict resolution skills. A family meeting is a great time to do it. Model this behavior yourself, of course. Teach them what to say, how to take turns speaking, how to listen, and how to talk about their own feelings using “I” statements. Learning to walk away peacefully when they need to is another valuable skill. Be patient. These skills take time to learn, even for grown-ups. Once they are armed with the skills they need, let them use what they have learned by keeping your interventions minimal.
Third, spend intentional time with each of your children. One of the main reasons kids fight is to get their parents’ attention. If they get your one-on-one attention regularly, they will not feel like they have to compete with their siblings for it. This may sound like a lot, especially if you have three or more kids, but this time together can be just 10 minutes a day. I have three kids, so this means I need to find 30 minutes total to devote to my kids daily. Make sure their time with you is special, and let your kids determine what your time together looks like. Let them be the center of your universe for that 10 minutes. It will mean the world to them.
Fourth, let them fight! If you are constantly intervening, they will never learn conflict resolution skills. Teach them how and then give them a chance to work it out. Unless they are in physical danger of hurting one another, let them use the skills you taught them in #2 above. If they can’t calm down, you may need to separate them, but make sure you give them a chance to work it out after they have cooled off. If they try to involve you, let them know that you are confident that they can figure it out. Clearly explain the benefits of working it out themselves, as well as the consequences if they can’t. For example, say, “If you guys can share the game, you can keep it, but if not, I will have to take it away.” If they are all working toward the same end goal, they will be more likely to solve the problem.
Sibling rivalry and the intense arguments it causes may seem overwhelming in the moment, but these four tips will be able to manage your kids, and they may even grow as a result.
