“I Need a Break!" Help for Overwhelmed Moms
/It took me a whole minute during my life coach training to decide what niche I would focus on.
“Moms” was my obvious choice.
Why moms, you might ask. The answer might surprise you.
Parenthood is the most demanding and important job on the planet. We are called to raise tiny humans to become healthy, functioning adults yet we have no instruction manual.
The moment that little person comes into the world, we are solely responsible for taking care of him or her. And the reality is, the brunt of the job falls on moms.
Most moms find themselves going 100 miles per hour and very seldom have a chance to slow down and re-fuel. Since we are responsible for so much, we feel our only choice is to put ourselves last. So that’s what we do.
Time and time again we take care of everyone around us and completely neglect ourselves. If, on the rare occasion, we do decide to do something just for us, the guilt is so overwhelming we fall back on our usual patterns.
So what happens to these poor mom souls over time? You might start experiencing a constant feeling of dread that you can’t shake. On the extreme end, you could become so burnt out that you end up in the hospital.
Everyone has different symptoms of being overwhelmed but here are a few common ones:
One red flag is that you (or your friend, sister etc.) are yelling more often and snapping at your kids and/or husband. I know this one used to ring true for me quite often. I am a bit more in control of it now but there are still times that I am just moody and my fuse is really short. This is a cue for me that I need to make a change.
You are seriously neglecting your own health. You may be getting sick more often or just feeling sluggish. Your lunch most likely consists of the crust you cut off of your kids PB & J sandwich and you haven’t showered in days. Your children are dressed in brand new, perfectly put together outfits, but you are in the same yoga pants you wore yesterday (and the day before).
You feel exhausted all of the time and have trouble getting out of bed. You might feel like Bill Murray in Ground Hog Day and can’t muster the energy to do it all over again. At times you may be exhausted but still have difficulty sleeping because of all of the re-occurring thoughts and to-do lists going through your head. It’s like your brain needs an off switch.
You worry all the time. Typically this is in conjunction with negative thoughts. Often moms worry that they are not doing a good job or have thoughts that they are a terrible mother. It may feel like there is this mean bully in our heads who just won’t let up.
If you notice any of these, it may be a warning sign that it is time to re-center and re-connect with you. Here are a few ways that moms can do just that:
Find time for self care. It’s so easy to put yourself last on your to-do list but I am here to tell you that you must be at the top! There is a reason they say to put your airplane oxygen mask on before your child’s. You need to be alive and well to keep the little humans alive and well.
Learn to say no. If something is costing you peace of mind, take it off your list. I know you want to help everyone with everything but you just can’t. Say no and do not allow any guilt to creep in.
Unplug from social media. We have completely forgotten what the world was like without Facebook, Instagram etc. Social media leads to “comparisonitis" and is not good for your mental health. Live life IRL. Read a book, go for a walk, do something you enjoy that doesn’t require a charger. Notice all of the beautiful things in the actual world. As a bonus, notice what you are grateful for. You simply cannot be jealous of others if you are thankful for your life and all the amazing things in it.
And if you just can’t shake the feeling of overwhelm, ask for help. Ask a friend or family member. Ask your husband for a day off if you are the primary caretaker. If you aren’t sure if your inner circle will be able to be objective, seek the help of a mom coach. Having a coach to help you strategize and walk alongside you may be the best decision you can make for your own wellbeing.
Once you are taking care of yourself you will be able to be the best mom (wife, friend…) you can be!
